Councillor’s new ward brings fresh ideas

Inverness Prison looks set to become the first profitable prison in the United Kingdom following the announcement that car loot sales are to be held in the prison exercise yard every Sunday morning with immediate effect.

The idea for the fundraising car loot sales is thought to be the idea of retired Councillor Benny Fitzfiddle who recently emerged triumphant from a 13 day interview at Inverness Sheriff’s Court with a golden handcuffs farewell from his friends at the Highland Council’s Fraud Investigations Section and a temporary contract thought to be worth £43,000 tax free for the position of fundraiser in residence.

Former Councillor Fitzfiddle has also announced that in addition to the families of prisoners being invited to bring their ill gotten gains to the Car Loot sales in order to raise funds for much needed improvements to the prison’s stock of slop out buckets; exciting plans are being developed for the Highlands Travelling Community to be invited to be his guests and park their caravans in the prison yard for a minimum of 6 days a week in exchange for cigarettes.

A Highland Council spokesperson said “A quote? No problem. While we are absolutely devastated to be losing such a well-respected member of our completely trustworthy team of elected … Hang on!… Councillor Benny Fitzfiddle did you say? Oh you sneaky bastards… Piss Off”.

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